The Weirdest Fruit Ever is Durian

I made a little trip to Uwajimaya when I noticed a huge spiky fruit.

Could it be Durian? The Durian that I heard so much about, the one banned on airplanes, the fruit that you either love or hate. Could I resist the temptation to try a new flavor?

I grabbed the fruit and took it at home. The whole way home, my mouth watered and questions popped into my head. Will it taste like Guava? Will it taste like Litchi?

I ran into the apartment and popped it with my chef's knife. I could not take the time to research how it was supposed to be cut. I wanted my durian and I wasn't going to wait.
As I sliced it, the odor threw me back. It smelled like sweat from a person's forehead after they remove their baseball cap.
Inside was a beautiful custard, the creamiest texture of perfection. The custard was surrounded by huge pits. Suddenly it looked like the insides of a human's body. I decided it was time for the taste. I had to break the curse of ambiguity. The taste was odd, kind of like a guava meets umami. A sweet taste ruined by a whiff of soy sauce.
So strange, so strange. I had to Google it, maybe I got a bad fruit. The directions on the internet said that it grows on you. I took another bite and another one and the stink was unbearable.
Then they started coming up, little burps in my mouth of fowl flavor.
EWWW! I quickly called all my neighbors in the building, no one answered. Please someone take it! Then my friend said she was stopping by to borrow my camera. I quickly put it in some Tupperware and ran to hand her the surprise. She was repulsed by the smell but she took it. Then I ran back to my apartment and almost puked, the tiny apartment smelled of stinky feet.
The durian had taken over my whole house.